Autistic Fixations……..

Fixations or obsessions are common in autism. They can take various forms such as continually discussing the same topic in conversations or researching and reading every article on a topic. When I was younger a lot of my fixations were based around people. I had a teacher in secondary school that used to make lessons so much fun that I literally worshipped the ground he walked on. I shudder to think what he thought about it. It took him leaving the school for me to get over it. I still think about him occasionally, no one forgets a good teacher!

More recently my fixations have been around my hobbies. For nearly a decade it was reborning. I watched YouTube videos, bought all the books, did courses and bought every kit that was going. I’m now in the position of selling my supplies trying to make back some of the money I spent.

Currently I have returned to my music. The new ABRSM syllabus is released tomorrow which covers 2021 and 2022 and I am hoping to finally take my Grade 5 exam. I have been somewhat hampered with my health over the past few years but I feel a lot stronger now and able to tackle the hours of practice required.

My renewed interest in music has led to one of my biggest fixations in recent years. I had a video recommendation come up in my YouTube feed for the song ‘Gethsemane’ from Jesus Christ Superstar sung by Michael Ball. Listening to it gave me the chills and the hairs were standing up on the back of my neck. In the past this may have led to a fixation on Michael Ball but for me it was the song. I have now listened to as many versions of this song as YouTube has to offer and have settled on Steve Balsamo’s version. This version makes me cry every time and I can’t stop listening to it. I haven’t been able to sit still all afternoon. I love this feeling!