2022 has been a year of extremes for my poor brain. I began the year having finally achieved my target weight. It took a lot of time, effort and introspection to permanently change my eating habits and I wasn’t prepared for how it would feel to finally reach my goal. I was obviously very happy but I immediately started to feel anxious as I have never been able to maintain my weight before. I’ve always been losing or gaining depending on whether I was in a diet or binge phase. I was acutely aware that most people who lose weight eventually regain it and this was true of me in the past. I knew I never wanted to be overweight again. The way I have dealt with this isn’t particularly healthy. I now obsessively count calories and ensure that I am at least 200 calories below my maintenance allowance for 5 out of 7 days and eat at maintenance for the other two. This way I know there is no way I can gain any weight so I don’t have to weigh myself every day. I know this way of dealing with my weight anxiety is wrong and I have been seeing a therapist for the past couple of months trying to find a way through.
I have now fully recovered from my tummy tuck surgery and I am ecstatic about the results. I will be having a small revision on the left hand side of my horizontal scar on my tummy as it has healed and left a small fold. This will be done under local anaesthetic on November 7th. When everything is all healed I will post my final before and after photos.
The main reason for my stress this year is that I am having to face the possibility that a close family member may have dementia. I wasn’t sure at the beginning of the year but over the past 3 months there has been a definite deterioration in cognitive function. We are waiting for a brain scan which could take as long as 5 months so there is no chance of any diagnosis before then. It’s a horrible position to be in; it’s like being in limbo. I have no idea what the future holds so I can’t make any plans. If there is one thing that calms my stress it is having a plan of action.
With all these things going on in my life I have been struggling with my mood. I’ve just had a couple of really bad weeks with depression and feeling frustrated that I can’t self medicate with food anymore. I am starting to come out the other side of it now so I’m hopeful things will improve.