It’s been several months since I last posted and the longer I left it the harder it was to think of something to post about. I considered a post on the music of Hiroyuki Sawano but found it difficult to write without sounding like a complete and utter fangirl. I may try again at a later date.
I’ve decided to go back to the beginning and review the many ways my brain doesn’t work like it should and how it affects me now.
Depression and Anxiety
Back in March I chose to reduce my antidepressant medication by half to enable me to start feeling more emotion i.e less numb. I have managed to keep at this lower dose but have had some issues with low mood. It’s not anywhere near as bad as it used to be but it is enough to affect my life. I have slipped with my exercise and I really need to pull it back. It’s just so easy to lock myself away at home and watch endless YouTube videos when I’m struggling. It really is a vicious circle because I then feel bad about not being productive. There are times when I find if that I can force myself to do something and I can get myself out of my lows. It is for this reason that I am going persevere with the lower dose of medication as it is really nice to be able to feel more joy in my life.
Fibromyalgia and ME
I continue to have chronic pain from the fibromyalgia and fatigue from the ME but I have finally learned to pace my activity. I have noticed that my pain gets a lot worse when my sleep is disturbed or if I only sleep lightly. I have started to take melatonin at night and it works remarkably well for me. It’s not available on prescription in the UK for adults but is obtainable online. I’ve checked with my doctor and it is safe to take. The only reason it’s not available prescription in the UK is because it’s efficacy hasn’t been proven.
Autism
Being diagnosed with autism is easily one of the most positive things to happen to me in my life. My low self esteem and self worth disappeared overnight when I realised my ‘inadequacies’ were something that had a cause. My struggle with verbal communication is something that is ongoing and I find myself constantly rehearsing conversations in my head, especially at night. I prefer to write than talk – obviously since I am writing this blog. Problems arise when I have an impatient listener who instead of accepting that I have this deficit immediately call me out on something that I’ve said wrong. I find this incredibly upsetting especially when I’ve tried to explain my autism and it gets dismissed.
As a family comprised totally of autistic individuals we have worked together and are totally accepting of each others traits and needs. Our home is autistic friendly and we just don’t care what other people think about what we do e.g. we may sometimes eat the same meals every day of the week for months on end. We’re comfortable with who we are.
I’ve also realised that the 3 friendships I’ve maintained outside of my family are with autistic people. We understand each other and I feel comfortable around them. I feel is no need for prove myself to them.
Weight
I reached my goal weight back in December 2021 and I have been maintaining now for nearly two years. It’s a constant battle and I will admit to being a bit obsessive about it. I continually count calories and count a day a success if I’m in a calorie deficit. I do have a day or two a week when I let myself have a treat and I think the lighter days balance these out as my weight is fairly stable.
So there it is; a round up of my life right now. It’s nearly Christmas and 2024 is just around the corner. I do face some major surgery in the new year but once done I should be set for a healthy and prosperous year.
My Faulty Brain 